Saturday, May 31, 2008

weekend to-do list

I had a long To-Do list for today:

1)Get an oil change.
2)Drive downtown to the graffitied abandoned house I saw last weekend and take pictures of the art.
3)Go to the used bookstore and look for books on CD for my road trip next weekend.
4)Go to the grocery store.

Here’s how I did:

1)Oil Change: I went to Valvoline, because they check all the fluids, filters, and wipers, too, and they have a special if you get an oil change with a tire rotation. Volkswagon says I’m supposed to get my tires rotated every six thousand miles, which left me four thousand miles overdue to go with the thousand miles I’m overdue for an oil change. Everything is taken care of, though, in time for my trip to New York next weekend.

2)Drive downtown: After the oil change I headed downtown, but when I got near the house I discovered that there were no left turns onto the street it’s on the corner of, so I had to go past it and find somewhere else to turn around. I picked the parking lot of Uncle Easy’s Pawn Shop:

uncle easy's pawn

It’s also home to an antique and collectibles mall:

antiques sign

a baby store:


a restaurant:

good food on the corner

and a number of other stores.

While I was walking through the parking lot taking pictures of the storefronts and buildings, I noticed that the antique and collectibles market was open, so I went inside:

head on a shelf

bottles and pitchers

winking head

I was most amused, though, by the Playboy Dungeon in the back:

the playboy dungeon

After I walked the antique market (I didn’t buy anything) I drove to the abandoned house, which my favorite local graffiti artists have defaced:

red dress lady

melting skeleton

cape sale closeup

There are more pictures on my photo page. Overall, it was a good day for taking pictures.

3)Books on CD: I didn’t like any of the ones they had. I ended up using some of my store credit, which I intended to use on the books, to buy a set of Futurama DVDs instead.

4)Grocery Store: Somehow my magazine didn’t make it home with the rest of the groceries. I called the store when I got home, but they said there weren’t any unclaimed bags, even though I’m sure I didn’t lose the magazine on my way to and from the car.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Word problem

What is most disturbing about the following picture:

all sorts of trouble

a) That “Kamp” is spelled with an adorably kute k.
b) That no one at the yarn store stopped to think that the abbreviation for the Kamp spells KKK.
c) That no one at the yarn store noticed that “knitting” is spelled incorrectly.
d) All of the above.

Show your work if necessary.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

The Old Gray Cemetery

I got bored sitting around the apartment, and didn’t want to do laundry even though it desperately needs to be done and I have to step over a pile of it to get from the bedroom to the bathroom, so I decided to procrastinate by going to see the historic Old Gray Cemetery. It’s the final resting place of governors, senators, other congresspeople, mayors, industrialists, and other famous Tennesseans.

It says so on the sign:

Old Gray Cemetery

I didn’t realize when I decided to head down there that it’s not in the best part of town. There were a lot of homeless people resting on the benches and outside the gates, and a couple times I felt a little unsafe because some of them looked a little spooky, but some of that might have been because cemeteries are always a little spooky to me.

There were a lot of statues:

lamb statue

child angel

cross draping

This one, I thought, was the most striking:

soldier statue

Horne statue

If you click on it and go to the big size, you can see that the eyes even have irises and pupils sculpted in. I don’t really know who Horne was, but I’m willing to bet that the statue is a really precise likeness.

I also want to go pick up a book on cemeteries or tombstones, because I don’t understand a lot of the symbols, and feel like they’re important:


I know at least one of those stands for the Masons, but have no clue on the rest, and that’s not even counting the indirect, sculptural symbolism:


Finger, pointing

stone rose

I’m sure the shawl/shroud, hand, and flower all mean very specific things, but have no idea what those things are.

There were also some signs of the cemetery showing its age, as some of the stones and statues have broken due to elements or vandalism:

broken statue

broken headstone

Overall it was a really peaceful afternoon, until I got spooked by the cultists. Or goth chicks. Or vampire wedding. I don’t know what it was, but I passed a group of really tall girls and a couple guys in suits, and at first I thought they were at a funeral, but didn’t see one anywhere. I lost sight of them for a little while, but then I saw them again and they’d all put on black capes and were circled around a grave with a bouquet of white flowers:

girls in black capes

At first I wondered what they were doing, and was about to walk closer, and then I remembered the hundreds of movies I’ve seen and books I’ve read where people make just that kind of stupid mistake. One minute you’re approaching a strange caped group in the back of an isolated cemetery, and the next minute you’re on the six o’clock news tied to an obelisk with your bowels disemboweled and pentacles drawn on you with your own blood.

I beat a hasty retreat to the car. Somebody else can get Blair Witched, thanks, but it won’t be me.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

more grocery absurdity

I know what this is supposed to mean:


but when I saw it, all I could think was, "Caged?"

I can't get the image out of my mind of some poor Marie Allen egg, trying to keep from getting boiled working in the prison laundry or scrambled by one of the matrons for back talking.

I either need to stop going to the grocery store or stop watching old movies.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Better than Friday's

You know those mac and cheese nuggets they have at TGI Friday's and Sonic? They're crunchy outside and creamy inside, like biting into a hush puppy somehow filled with mac and cheese?

I figured out how to make them myself:

fried mac and cheese nuggets

The trick is to freeze the mac and cheese after you make it. I used regular boxed mac and cheese, froze it for a couple hours, cut it into squares, dipped the squares in egg and then breadcrumbs, and fried the square for about a minute on each side in oil.

There's a fork in that picture, but I stuffed most of them into my gaping maw with my hands.