I saw things this week. Strange things. Things that left me with questions.
1) Why is there a head in the back of this car?
We went over some serious bumps while driving behind these people on the way to the game against UT Martin (a shutout, but a disgrace, since rumor has it that Martin was recruiting walk ons the week before the game just to have a full roster of players) and that head didn't move. There's either a lot of tape, or that thing is attached to the back dash of that car.
And if it is attached, why? I probably have no room to talk since I have a toy on the dashboard of my car, but a cosmetology school model head? That seems excessive, even to me. Unless it has a name, I guess.
2) Why would you waste an entire bag of gummi worms?
What kind of monster throws candy on the ground and lets it rot? Won't somebody think of the children, with their bright eyes and scrawny arms and mouths full of perfect white teeth? Don't they need a giant bag of chemically engineered fructose and vaguely fruitlike flavoring? This seems like a horrible waste, but it was also odd and kind of intriguing. Why aren't there any bugs eating it? Or animals? Aren't there hungry squirrels or ants or rats or something that aren't getting enough high fructose corn syrup?
And where did the bag go? Did they melt together in the bag in the hot sun, and then someone dumped them out? But if they did that, shouldn't the bag be there, too? Why would you throw one away and not the other?
3) How is this toy somehow less spooky in the picture than it was in real life?
I saw this finger puppet in one of the stores on Market Square, and I think I might have actually shuddered, if only for a second. There was a finger puppet of Satan in the same store that was somehow less disturbing than this puppet. Why would you buy this for a child? That thing is nightmare fuel, pure horror in rubberized form. It's totally appropriate for a child you don't like, I guess, but why not just give them socks or vegetables?
4) Shouldn't this be in a refrigerator?
Vacuum sealed raw meat creeps me out. I know it's supposedly perfectly safe and all that, but even in the vacuum bag there can be temperature fluctuations, long slow sleaks (entropy will eventually fill any vacuum), and it just looks gross. Anything that unruly children in Mast General can pick up and hit each other with and then put back when their lazy mother finally notices that her bratty kids are treating the store like a playground is not fit to be served at a meal.
But don't you want to slap someone in the face with a pack of raw bacon now, just to see what it's like?