Sunday, February 13, 2011

Explain this to me, please

I have questions without answers, because I have seen inexplicable things this week.

Mystery #1: There are two vending machines in the basement of the building my office is in.

twin vending machines

After nine months or so of bringing in a yogurt for breakfast every day, I've started bringing in a banana instead, but some days I forget the banana and have to go downstairs for Pop Tarts, and that's where I noticed something a little odd. Both machines are owned and operated by the same vending company, but in the machine on the right, Pop Tarts are 85 cents:

85 cent pop tarts

In the machine on the left, 75 cents:

75 cent pop tarts

Why?

Mystery #2: What do clones have to do with love?

I saw this in the Valentine's Candy section of Wal-Mart:

clone wars love

While I understand that somehow George Lucas needs more money and has to license Star Wars out to candymakers, too, I don't understand these at all. Would loving your clone be masturbation or incest? And why bring love into it at all? Cloning is about science, not romance. And who are these intended for? Here in Tennessee, we have enough trouble with evolution; do we really want to put pro-human cloning candy in the hands of our impressionable children?

Mystery #3: I spotted this on the loading dock last week:

bad, bad microwave

What happens when a microwave goes bad? Does it hang out behind the Five and Dime with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in its t-shirt sleeve, falling in with a bad crowd of surly blenders and antisocial George Forman grills? Is there a toaster oven somewhere holding onto a baby picture and sobbing softly, silently remembering the day when they brought home the little microwave from the appliance section, full of hopes and dreams? And where is the bad, bad microwave going? Is it too late? Or is there still hope that he could turn things around?

We may never know.

2 comments:

Todd said...

Regarding mystery #1 - It's obvious that portrait is a better orientation than landscape. That's why it's the default in Word.

Falke said...

"What happens when a microwave goes bad? Does it hang out behind the Five and Dime with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in its t-shirt sleeve, falling in with a bad crowd of surly blenders and antisocial George Forman grills?"

This is just too awesome.