If you missed this morning's blog entry, you should go back and reread it, because this is a special two-part blog commemorating the two-part story of "Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane" #99 and 100. If you've already read it, let's get back to our story in progress!
He's not kidding:
Also, how is it possible for Lois to be lying in her teeth? I've heard of lying through your teeth, but in them? Is that somehow worse than regular lying?
There's no time to dwell on it, because the trial starts with a parade of witnesses from Superman:
Batman, proving that there's some thing he's not good at after all, can't manage to poke a hole in any of their stories. Noting the obvious inability of her Bat-lawyer to save her, Superman calls a recess and tries to convince Lois to take a plea bargain:
Pardon me while I guffaw.
You've never been insane, Lois? Never?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is issue #100 of Lois' comic. That means I can think of at least 99 examples of times when Lois was fully, completely, and sometimes homicidally insane. Superman starts providing examples, because finding a time when Lois was insane is about as difficult as finding a joint in the lawn seats at a Dave Matthews concert in Colorado, and Bat-lawyer shuts him down and rejects the plea deal.
Then Bat-lawyer does something that should immediately qualify him for Bat-disbarment: He puts Lois on the stand to defend herself.
Superman responds by destroying her:
She seems totally innocent, right?
And also not insane?
Recognizing that she just punched her freedom to death, Lois offers to take a lie detector test. Bat-lawyer, in a continuing show of incompetence, fails to object.
Nobody saw that coming, right?
Batman, remember the Top Chef Season 3 Holiday Special, when Betty Fraser, hateful cheftestant from Season 2, stared at the camera in panic over the top of her overcooked dinner course and blurted helplessly, "You can't uncook lamb!" You can't uncook lamb, Batman, and you can't unring a bell. The jury isn't going to forget the lie detector even if the judge tells them to. The time to object was before Lois got hooked up to it.
Realizing that he's the worst lawyer ever and has completely blown this case (although, really, it's not like Lois helped by jumping out of the witness box to slap Superman across the mouth), Batman resorts to one last tactic:
Dragging Lana's days-old (but still with great hair) corpse into the courtroom.
And here's where this tale of death goes completely off the rails, even by Lois Lane standards.
For starters, it's not Lana:
Batman knows, because he and Superman dug her up last night:
But then, who is it?
For reasons which are unclear, Superman's solution is to build a Lois android:
Wouldn't it have been easier just to inspect the lie detector?
I think Superman just wanted to build a robot.
After examining the Lana-bot, Superman traces its origin to the Sahara desert, where he discovers a domed spaceship with a giant chessboard:
Aliens framed Lois, as part of some sort of chess game. Why? Oh, they never explain. They're too busy getting punched out by Superman, who rescues Lana:
who is quick to find the silver lining:
Drop her, Superman. Just leave her in the desert, let Lois get convicted of murder, and go marry Wonder Woman, a nice sweet lady who isn't insane.
Superman instead takes her back to the courtroom, where Lois is cleared of all charges and only one question remains:
I bet she was guilty.