Last weekend while I was out running errands I decided to swing by McKay's to see if Paula Deen's cookbooks were on clearance yet. (Oh, like I'm the only one. Don't you give me that look.) They were not, which was surprising, but in the bargain cookbook section I did notice something else. While there were the usual crockpot cookbooks and generic "Make 500 ______" cookbooks filling most of the section, I made a sudden and horrible realization:
I had somehow wandered into the celebrity cookbook bargain basement graveyard.
I'm familiar with the whole concept of celebrities also writing cookbooks. I just didn't realize that there were so many, and that so many are from celebrities that I don't associate with food. It's not surprising that Trisha Yearwood has a cookbook, since she has a cooking show, but why does Maya Angelou have a cookbook? Or Sheryl Crow? Stanley Tucci? Does anyone think "teach me to cook, please" when they think of Boy George? Or Sarah, Duchess of York? I was flipping through the books in amusement, wondering how these people's agents talked them into this, when I saw one that was both dirt cheap (75 cents!) and bizarrely intriguing:
Hannah Montana's Sweet Niblets, a name that is somehow sugary sweet and also disgustingly perverted at the same time.
Which of Hannah's sweet niblets did I feel like trying first? (See? Just typing that sounds obscene.) I settled on an easy one to start with, figuring I'd save the chicken fingers breaded in Fruity Pebbles for a really adventurous day:
The "Best of Both Worlds Breakfast Sandwiches" sounded easy enough, but as fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches they also seemed oddly familiar. Hannah Montana, did you steal this recipe from Elvis?
Not exactly. Hannah's version is dipped in egg wash, which makes it more of a stuffed french toast than the Elvis version. Not surprising for a cookbook geared toward children, it was shockingly easy to prepare:
First, I made sandwiches, being careful to follow the directions to only place bananas on one side:
Hannah said to put honey on those, too, but Hannah and I parted ways on that point. Honey is vile, sticky, and difficult to work with. I don't keep it in the house.
We also parted ways on the egg wash. Hannah said to mix cinnamon into it, but I don't have any cinnamon and used nutmeg instead:
After that, all that was left was frying:
Helpful tip from me, not Hannah: When you are dipping the sandwich in the egg wash, dip all the way around the edges, too, to seal them and keep the peanut butter in.
Then eat, while basking in the endless repeat of "Party in the USA" on your iTunes.
The louder it is, the more your neighbors love you.