Every year our city has a rubber duck race to benefit the Boys and Girls Club, and every year I end up buying a duck or two. I never get to actually see the race because it's usually on the same weekend that we have opening and the kids moving in, but this year our schedule is off. Opening was last week, the duck race was this week, and Jeannie invited me to go down and see it with her.
We didn't get to actually see the race, though, because of this:
I'll get to that.
The day started out well. We left on time, a rarity for the two of us, easily found parking, and headed down to the riverwalk, which was packed:
I had no idea so many people actually came to see this, especially since the river moves extremely slowly and some years it takes as long as five hours for all the ducks to make it from one bridge to another. We got there about a half hour before the ducks were dropped into the water, which gave us time to see real ducks:
and for the kid to start crying:
because some other kid shot him with water from his ass:
The crying there was understandable, as being sprayed with ass-water can be traumatic for anyone. We gave him a cookie, strapped him back into the stroller, and looked for a spot to view the race. Unfortunately there was no good way to get the stroller down onto the seats in the stands besides carrying it:
We ended up down under the bridge, where it was shady and we could see the riverboat go by:
Unfortunately, that's right where the kid started crying. We had no idea what he wanted, but that's the problem with kids: you never know what they want. You have one, and then until they learn to talk you're just a hostage to the noises they make and are willing to do whatever you can to make them stop. I, for example, figured we could just wheel the stroller under a tree and ignore him for a while, but Jeannie for whatever reason decided we needed to take him back to the car and go home. I guess this is the difference between having children and being childless. Anyway, that's how we went to the duck race but didn't get to see the race or the ducks.
On the way home, I mentioned to Jeannie that having kids seems to pretty much ruin your life, which she shared with Brian. He let me know that it doesn't really ruin your life, but instead makes you question what you're doing, what your goals are, where you can go, how spontaneous you can be, what plans you can make, where you can eat, what you can eat, what you can spend money on, what's important to you, what you care about, etc. etc. etc. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that sounds pretty life ruining to me, but I'm a selfish person with no biological imperitive to reproduce and am clearly not meant to enjoy parenthood. Everyone who has kids must see something I don't, but I get to see a movie without calling a sitter. I'd call it an even trade.