Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Abomination Television

I use the word "abomination" pretty freely. The caffeine free diet Mountain Dew I saw the other day? That's an abomination. The baggers at Kroger not understanding that cold food and not cold food shouldn't be bagged together and that's why they're separated in my cart and separated when I put them down on the conveyer and oh my God is it really that hard to understand or are you just trying to save bags? Their bagging skills are an abomination. That time I was trying to give myself electric blue tips and ended up with a whole head of powder blue hair that ended up being cobalt thanks to a heavy dose of Ferria and prayer? That was pretty much an abomination as well.

Given that, I still feel safe in saying that the new "Melrose Place" is an abomination.

I'm not even sure where to start, but two really awful things stand out:

1) Ashley Simpson-Wentz. I know taking a potshot at her is about as difficult as finding pancakes at IHOP, but watching the scene where she convinces a neighbor she just met, a neighbor that was smart enough to get into medical school, that she should become a high priced hooker and realizing that Ashley's supposed to be the evil girl in disguise made me want to throw a brick at my television. Ashley Simpson is as convincing as an evil mastermind as Tara Reid is as a Nobel Prize winning scientist.

Never let it be said that I avoid easy potshots. Right, Tara?

2) Not only is Sydney alive, but she's sleeping with Michael's son. Michael. Her brother in law. Whose son would be her nephew. Even if he's not her nephew because his mom isn't Jane, something the show hasn't bothered to show us yet, he's still close to being her nephew, and that's gross.

Almost as gross as this abomination of a show.


golfwidow said...

I still haven't really forgiven the original show for being abominable, nor yet for having the nerve to decide it needs a fresh makeover now. Couldn't they have waited another ten years and released the original as classic TV, like they did with "The Monkees," or are the Monkees too high class to be lumped in with Melrose?

Sorry. Didn't mean to use your comments as a soapbox.

strong cookie. said...

it really was horrific.

I will be back to watch if they bring back:

Amanda or Kimberly.

Otherwise, buh-bye!