I use the word "abomination" pretty freely. The caffeine free diet Mountain Dew I saw the other day? That's an abomination. The baggers at Kroger not understanding that cold food and not cold food shouldn't be bagged together and that's why they're separated in my cart and separated when I put them down on the conveyer and oh my God is it really that hard to understand or are you just trying to save bags? Their bagging skills are an abomination. That time I was trying to give myself electric blue tips and ended up with a whole head of powder blue hair that ended up being cobalt thanks to a heavy dose of Ferria and prayer? That was pretty much an abomination as well.
Given that, I still feel safe in saying that the new "Melrose Place" is an abomination.
I'm not even sure where to start, but two really awful things stand out:
1) Ashley Simpson-Wentz. I know taking a potshot at her is about as difficult as finding pancakes at IHOP, but watching the scene where she convinces a neighbor she just met, a neighbor that was smart enough to get into medical school, that she should become a high priced hooker and realizing that Ashley's supposed to be the evil girl in disguise made me want to throw a brick at my television. Ashley Simpson is as convincing as an evil mastermind as Tara Reid is as a Nobel Prize winning scientist.
Never let it be said that I avoid easy potshots. Right, Tara?
2) Not only is Sydney alive, but she's sleeping with Michael's son. Michael. Her brother in law. Whose son would be her nephew. Even if he's not her nephew because his mom isn't Jane, something the show hasn't bothered to show us yet, he's still close to being her nephew, and that's gross.
Almost as gross as this abomination of a show.
Showing posts with label melrose place. Show all posts
Showing posts with label melrose place. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I, Kimberly...
Of all the catfights and snide comments on "Melrose Place", the following exchange between Sydney and Kimberly is, in my opinion, the best piece of dialogue during the entire run of the series.
"Frankly, Sydney, I find your behavior to be rather childish."
"Maybe it just seems that way because you're so old."
Sydney's retort carries all the folly of youth, assuming that she'll never be in Kimberly's shoes. Technically this is true, since Sydney was run over in her wedding dress, but the point is still valid. Today, at a work retreat, I was informed that "Wayne's World" came out the same year that most of our incoming freshmen were born, and I realized that I am no longer on the Sydney side of that equation. I have become Kimberly Shaw, but without the brain surgery scar or the bomb in the laundry room.
I have become old.
Other than aging, I've managed to do a couple of other things in the past few weeks.
1) I saw them move the Rock on campus.
They couldn't get the rock into the parking lot it now sits next to, so they had to chainsaw one down:
One crane and 90 tons later, the Rock was slowly moved into place:
The students began painting it almost immediately. The new spot for it, though, is right where the band and their families tailgate for football, so it will be interesting to see what happens on that corner once the home games start up.
2) I wondered at this:
What does that mean? Is there a Girl Scout meeting hall down that road? A camp? Maybe a headquarters? Or is there just a bunch of Girl Scouts milling around a parking lot, waiting for people to drive by?
3) I learned that some people will not only stick anything on their trucks, but they will actually be proud of how foolish it makes them look:
I'll be honest, and admit that I'm not totally happy with the Obama administration. He hasn't followed through on any of the things he said he'd do for gay people, and while I understand that there are important concerns right now, I also understand that there's never a good time to handle some issues, and basic civil rights and equality are one of those things that shouldn't wait for political convenience. Even if you put the marriage issue aside, there's still the fact that over two hundred service members have been discharged under Don't Ask, Don't Tell since Obama took office, and that was something he said he would rescind.
Even if I'm not totally pleased with Obama so far, though, I'll never understand how someone can still see Sarah Palin as the better alternative. She'd probably have quit by now, anyway.
3) I went to the Farmer's Market, where I saw some peppers:
saw a mutant pigeon:
and had the best flavor of Italian ice ever:
4) I went to roller derby, and watched girls on wheels push each other down:
5) I argued with my friend Bryan when we passed these random boots on our way back to the car:
"You really will take a picture of anything, won't you?"
"You're not curious about that? Why are they there? Who leaves their boots on the sidewalk? Those are good boots! Why haven't any of the homeless people picked them up?"
I still have curiosity, which means I'm not quite ready to hop in the coffin and close the lid. I might be Kimberly, but I still have some Sydney left.
"Frankly, Sydney, I find your behavior to be rather childish."
"Maybe it just seems that way because you're so old."
Sydney's retort carries all the folly of youth, assuming that she'll never be in Kimberly's shoes. Technically this is true, since Sydney was run over in her wedding dress, but the point is still valid. Today, at a work retreat, I was informed that "Wayne's World" came out the same year that most of our incoming freshmen were born, and I realized that I am no longer on the Sydney side of that equation. I have become Kimberly Shaw, but without the brain surgery scar or the bomb in the laundry room.
I have become old.
Other than aging, I've managed to do a couple of other things in the past few weeks.
1) I saw them move the Rock on campus.
They couldn't get the rock into the parking lot it now sits next to, so they had to chainsaw one down:
One crane and 90 tons later, the Rock was slowly moved into place:
The students began painting it almost immediately. The new spot for it, though, is right where the band and their families tailgate for football, so it will be interesting to see what happens on that corner once the home games start up.
2) I wondered at this:
What does that mean? Is there a Girl Scout meeting hall down that road? A camp? Maybe a headquarters? Or is there just a bunch of Girl Scouts milling around a parking lot, waiting for people to drive by?
3) I learned that some people will not only stick anything on their trucks, but they will actually be proud of how foolish it makes them look:
I'll be honest, and admit that I'm not totally happy with the Obama administration. He hasn't followed through on any of the things he said he'd do for gay people, and while I understand that there are important concerns right now, I also understand that there's never a good time to handle some issues, and basic civil rights and equality are one of those things that shouldn't wait for political convenience. Even if you put the marriage issue aside, there's still the fact that over two hundred service members have been discharged under Don't Ask, Don't Tell since Obama took office, and that was something he said he would rescind.
Even if I'm not totally pleased with Obama so far, though, I'll never understand how someone can still see Sarah Palin as the better alternative. She'd probably have quit by now, anyway.
3) I went to the Farmer's Market, where I saw some peppers:
saw a mutant pigeon:
and had the best flavor of Italian ice ever:
4) I went to roller derby, and watched girls on wheels push each other down:
5) I argued with my friend Bryan when we passed these random boots on our way back to the car:
"You really will take a picture of anything, won't you?"
"You're not curious about that? Why are they there? Who leaves their boots on the sidewalk? Those are good boots! Why haven't any of the homeless people picked them up?"
I still have curiosity, which means I'm not quite ready to hop in the coffin and close the lid. I might be Kimberly, but I still have some Sydney left.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
being neighborly
I never lived off campus before I moved here, but I always had this vision of what it would be like to live in an apartment, mostly shaped by “Melrose Place”. There are mild differences, of course.
The people who lay out by the pool are significantly older, since my apartment complex has a lot of retirees, and no one has ever fallen into it during a fight, during a wedding, or while staggering drunk on platform heels because Billy told them he wanted a divorce.
The laundry room here has windows and a television, so it’s bright and cheery, rather than basementy, and I’ve never found Sydney tied up in it while Kimberly wires the building with explosives.
On that same note, the building has never blown up or caught on fire, even though we did have a power outage when our building was struck by lightning Easter weekend.
I guess I just always had this picture of living in a building where everyone knew each other and sat out on the steps at night chatting and got really involved in each other’s lives even though they had nothing in common. Also, I assumed everyone else would be really hot, but people here pretty much keep to themselves most of the time. Every once in a while they surprise you, though.
Today I was pulling in and Porch Pots Lady was outside watering her plants. I was grumbling internally, vowing once again to get at least one plant to try to offer up a little competition. She waved and I waved, as we do when we see each other, but then she called me over rather than letting me scurry into my apartment.
“Do you cook?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Here, let me give you some herbs!”
She gave me a handful of oregano, and when I said I’d probably make spaghetti with it she said, “Oh, you’ll need basil, too!” and picked me off a big handful. I was so touched and surprised. My neighbor gave me something to put in my mouth, just like that time Jake decided to start dating Allison.
My dinner involved much less raging alcoholism, faking blindness, and also dating Kelly from “90210”, but it was still good.
The people who lay out by the pool are significantly older, since my apartment complex has a lot of retirees, and no one has ever fallen into it during a fight, during a wedding, or while staggering drunk on platform heels because Billy told them he wanted a divorce.
The laundry room here has windows and a television, so it’s bright and cheery, rather than basementy, and I’ve never found Sydney tied up in it while Kimberly wires the building with explosives.
On that same note, the building has never blown up or caught on fire, even though we did have a power outage when our building was struck by lightning Easter weekend.
I guess I just always had this picture of living in a building where everyone knew each other and sat out on the steps at night chatting and got really involved in each other’s lives even though they had nothing in common. Also, I assumed everyone else would be really hot, but people here pretty much keep to themselves most of the time. Every once in a while they surprise you, though.
Today I was pulling in and Porch Pots Lady was outside watering her plants. I was grumbling internally, vowing once again to get at least one plant to try to offer up a little competition. She waved and I waved, as we do when we see each other, but then she called me over rather than letting me scurry into my apartment.
“Do you cook?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Here, let me give you some herbs!”
She gave me a handful of oregano, and when I said I’d probably make spaghetti with it she said, “Oh, you’ll need basil, too!” and picked me off a big handful. I was so touched and surprised. My neighbor gave me something to put in my mouth, just like that time Jake decided to start dating Allison.
My dinner involved much less raging alcoholism, faking blindness, and also dating Kelly from “90210”, but it was still good.
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