Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Return of the Super Dictionary!

You know what the cure for a really, really long week and a half at work is? A quick flip through the Super-Disturbing Super Dictionary, the only book I own that is 100% guaranteed to make me smile every single time I open it.

Let's take a quick spin through the pages, and see what the most disturbing thing we can spot at random is.

Could it be Ted and Teri Trapper's rampant drug use?


Teri, next time open a window.

Back to the question at hand, could the most disturbing thing be that in addition to making Robin sweep the Batcave:

child labor

(Can you imagine how much Batman must freak out if you forget to move the giant penny when you're doing the floors?

"I'm not mad at you, Robin. I'm mad at the dirt.")

Batman also thinks it's totally appropriate for Robin to shovel snow in a vest, a cape, and a tiny pair of green panties?

robin needs pants

No, there's something worse than drugs, worse than child labor, and worse than hypothermia. It's even worse than the fact that Robin can't remember the safe word again:

bound robin (1)

and again:

bound robin (2)

and again:

bound robin (3)

and again:

bound robin (4)

and Jesus Christ, how the hell many words can have a definition best illustrated by tying up a teenaged boy?

That's still not the most disturbing thing, though. There's something even more horrifying than the fact that Superman and his teenaged cousin are so busy having slumber parties:

vaguely creepy pillowtalk

that they can't even stop with the pillowtalk long enough to feed their dog:

the least food

It's that the Super Disturbing Super Dictionary outright lied to children.

lois? happy?

Lois Lane, happy? Unmarried, shrill harridan Lois Lane, unable to break into television like her rival Lana or to prove that Clark Kent is really Superman or to stop falling off of buildings and having to be rescued is not just happy but really happy?

There's a reason why they didn't put a picture with that entry.


JMBower said...

This book just never gets old. Batman is hands down the poster child for bad parenting.

"Hey Robin, you should come out and fight crime with me, while I blatantly and simultaneously disregard your physical and mental safety, and any sense of acceptable attire for a young boy."

Jeannie said...

I love you.

That's all.