Never Forget the Sexy Christmas Mermen

After I flew in on Saturday, we were supposed to head downstate for an overnight to see relatives on Sunday, but our travel plans were delayed by a Northern New York classic weather disaster. No, not a catastrophic lake effect blizzard. The other classic Northern New York weather disaster:

The Ice Storm

And not the kind where Kevin Kline and Sigourney Weaver throw their keys in a bowl at an infidelity party. The kind where your house ends up looking like this:



and the trees get all weighted down and keep breaking, but it's also really really pretty:





Unfortunately, it's hell to drive in, and after being advised by the county that we weren't allowed to leave our house because of a travel ban, we waited and went yesterday instead. The drive down was rainy and a little foggy, but the drive back today was clear and sunny, and mom and I decided that part of our visiting would also include running some errands.

That's where I saw this:



Other than someone who actually lost a loved one in the 9/11 attacks, who needs this on their tree? Fox News? Rudy Giuliani? Toby Keith? Who is staring at their tree thinking, "God, this whole tree needs more 'Never Forget'. Do they have another ornament of a crying eagle in profile?"

My mom saw me taking a picture, rolled her eyes, and turned away. I was about to articulate some of these thoughts to her in my defense, but then I turned my head and saw these:



A sexy merman, pulling down his mer-jeans with one hand while he hikes up his shirt to show us his abs with the other like a 2005-era MySpace bathroom mirror selfie?

That's the true meaning of Christmas right there.

Especially when there's a patriot one, draped in a flag, a fireman merman (how does that even work? I get that everything's hotter under de water, because Sebastian the Crab told me in a song, but what's actually burning?), one tearing off a shirt and tie, a UPS merman, and a host of others.

Mom disagreed, and refused to purchase one.

If there's a sexy merman Jesus somewhere in the collection, I bet he's disappointed.