Today when I got home from work there was a flyer for one of the local fitness centers stuck in my door. When I stopped to pull it out, I noticed this on the porch:
I shook my fist in outrage.
“Moo Face? Have I gotten so fat that people are leaving me notes implying that I’m a cow? Who was it? Two Jobs Girl? Porch Pots Lady? Rescue Dog Matron? Which one of them did this?”
I took my letter to Moo Face inside and opened it, where I discovered that I am not Moo Face:
(Click that to make it bigger.)
While I’m no longer enraged at my neighbors, I’m filled with questions. Did Moo Face drop this, or was it a letter that Kristina never had a chance to deliver and has carried around for three years? Why would either of them carry it around for three years? Did something happen to Kristina, or Moo Face?
Did something happen to both of them?
What if the letter is cursed? What if I take it home and unfold it and read it and then I wake up in the middle of the night and Moo Face is standing over me with an axe screaming, “Kristina’s back from Hilton Head!” and then I get hacked to pieces like Joan Crawford’s husband in “Straight Jacket” and one of the cops or ambulance workers who comes in to carry out my body picks up the note and then that night he wakes up and Moo Face is standing over the bed?
What if I hadn’t watched so many bad horror movies when I was little?
I left the letter on the porch in case Moo Face comes back for it.
I also locked the door.